Mistakes
by Sarah the nerd
Summary: An incident from the childhood of Dolores Umbridge.
1. Barely Even A Story

Mistakes   


The words my father used, when he was standing in front of me in the darkening forest and screaming with his face turning purple, were "You've made a big _mistake_, Dolores!" I was a very young girl at that time...barely thirteen, with my hair in pigtails...young and naive. My father never forgave me for my mistake. 

He didn't know about the _other_ mistake.   


I would of course _never _claim to be a saint, but those I believe are the only two mistakes I have ever made. Hardly anyone knows about them...only my parents know about the first, and only me and one other...perhaps not even _him_, I hope and believe he's dead now!....know about the second.   


My family was very rich, and we lived in the most _beautiful _house. It was huge, with stained-glass windows and a lake. Beyond the lake was a forest. As a little girl I would stand by one of the big windows and stare out at it. It was of course a waste of time, but our house, big and beautiful though it was, was _tremendously_ boring! There were no other children....just me and my older sister. Our younger brother had died at the age of two. 

My sister was called Victoria. She was four years older than me, and far more beautiful....although a piece of advice my mother gave me is that _true _beauty comes from within. Victoria, being the oldest, prettiest, and cleverest, was spoiled and bossy. She was the favourite of our parents. I was most certainly _not_, but I refuse to let this haunt me. In this small story...it is barely even a _story_, merely me reflecting on the mistakes I have made....she plays an important part. But she didn't play an important part in my overall life, and I hardly even think about her. Indeed, while she was living I cannot say I _liked _her...certainly not _loved _her. But she did not care much for me either. We were related only by blood...not that blood isn't important, for it certainly is! But we never seemed like sisters. However....to this day I hear my father's voice ringing in my ears, telling me that if not for my mistake... I don't hear it in dreams...dreams are, I believe, quite a waste of time...and I don't hear it during the day. I just _hear _it. 

This story...very well, it _is _a story, though I am certainly not fond of stories...begins on the day I was staring out of the window at the forest. I was wearing my favourite dress...the beautiful white one, with a pocket for my wand...and I had pink ribbons in my hair. Now, my parents had warned me time after time to _never go in the forest_...but I believe there is no child who did everything their parents told them! On that day, my sister was not around...she had gone to the town. My parents had no time for me on that day...for, I remember now, it was barely a month after my brother's death. I was lonely. So I skipped out to the garden, and kept going past the lake. I went into the forest...looked around, being careful not to get my dress too dirty. But my efforts were in vain, because I tripped over a tree root and stained it on the grass. Thinking of the trouble I could well be in...even more if they found out I had been in the forest...I started to cry. Oh, I was a whinger when I was young! But that is not wholly a bad thing, as it has helped me understand it when the children complain about life being unfair. Helped me be the good teacher I am now. 

I turned to go back...but I couldn't remember the way. Panicking, I went the way I thought I'd come...but it was the wrong way. I went this way and that, but couldn't find my way back. I started crying harder, crying and running...and ran right into something. 

I didn't know what it was. I thought it was a human, maybe my father, come to look for me. And when I opened my eyes, I saw it was a human face. But not one I recognized. 

"Who are..." I began. But then...I realized. It was a centaur. Half human, half horse. He was glaring down at me. 

I don't remember exactly what he looked like now. He looked ugly..._all _centaurs look ugly, what would one expect from creatures like them? I don't remember his hair colour...it could have been black or it could have been brown. Or his eye colour...sometimes I remember they were bluish-green, but why would I care about an insignificant detail such as that? 

"Who are you?!" I finally managed to snap. 

He looked at me...his eyes, no matter what colour they were, were dark and frightening. "My name is Parath," he said finally. "And this is not your forest." 


	2. The Arguement And The Dream

Mistakes   


I stared at him for a long second. I remember being very scared...after all, think of all the stories in the _Daily Prophet_ about centaurs attacking innocent youngsters! But as a child, I was a brave (if rather foolish!) girl. 

"This _is _my forest!" I snapped. "My father owns it!" 

"He may have _bought_ it," the centaur said, "but _we_ own it. And you should leave." 

"I won't leave!" I yelled. 

"We do not hurt children," he said quietly. "so I will simply ask again: We don't like humans here. Please go." 

"...We?" I said. "There are more of you?" 

"No," he said quickly. "Now leave." 

"Why shouldn't I stay?" 

"Because I asked you not to." 

"You think _I _will take orders from a _centaur_?" 

His glare became angry. "You think _I _ought to take orders from a _human_?"   
  
"Yes!" I said. "You should!" 

He turned his back on me. "You may a child, but you are a silly, foolish, selfish one. _Go_. Now." 

"I am _not _silly or foolish or selfish," I snapped, but for a reason I still don't know today, I turned and left. I found the way back on my own. As soon as I was out of the forest, I stuck out my tongue in it's direction-ha!-and firmly resolved to go back in there, and show that _stupid _centaur that it _was _my forest. 

***** 

I ran as fast as I could up to the house, and my mother was waiting, angrily, at the door. 

"Dolores! Where have you been? You're late for tea...and your dress is dirty!" 

"Sorry," I said. 

"It'll have to do, there's no time to get a new one out. Now go inside...your father has something to tell you." 

Suprised and puzzled, I hurried inside and to the dining room. I sat down on my chair next to Victoria, who looked at my dress and rolled her eyes to the ceiling. 

We ate our dinner in silence, and suddenly my father turned to me. 

"Dolores...next year, you will start attending Hogwarts School of Witchcraft and Wizardry." 

(He was never one for long speeches.) 

"Really?!" I said. I digested this news, and added. "But me and Victoria already have a perfectly good governess." 

"We know. But we think it's time you started meeting people your own age. See the world a bit, perhaps. Learning more than what you've been learning here...which, when you think of it, isn't much. Why, you can hardly turn a newt into a flowerpot." 

This was of course true. I was, back then, hopeless at Transfiguration. Victoria was not. 

"Is Victoria coming?" I demanded. 

"No," my mother said. "She's already a young lady..." 

"So am I." 

"...and very bright, and already _very _highly skilled in both Transfigaration and Charms. I hate to say it, Dolores, but you are not." 

"Of course I'm not," I sulked, in so quiet a voice they didn't hear me. 

"Miss Penbury thinks I'm good at Arithmancy, too," Victoria said, in a tone of voice I hated. "_And _Muggle Studies." 

"That's a new subject." my father observed. 

"Yes, and a downright silly one," my mother said. "I don't know why they teach it now. Why any decent wizarding child should be made to learn about Muggles is beyond me. Anyway, Dolores," she said, turning back to me. "In two days, the summer holidays start and there will be no students at the school. We've suggested to Headmaster Dippet that in two days we bring you up to the school to take a look around. If you like it, you can start at the school in September." 

"And if you don't like it, you can start at the school in September anyway." Victoria said brightly.   
  
I considered all this briefly, and then I just nodded. My family went back to their meal, satisfied.   


That night I had a dream. Parath was in the forest, carrying an ugly old woman on his back, and the other centaurs were screaming at him, although they didn't touch him. When I yelled, wanting to know what on earth was going on, they turned on me. Victoria stood there and snickered. 


	3. Hogwarts School

Mistakes   


I'm sure you'd expect me to say I never went into the forest again...why, after all, would _I _want to? But I did...although not until after I'd visited Hogwarts. I walked near the edge of it a few times, but mostly I stayed in the house. Before long, it was the day I was to see my new school, and my mother and our only house-elf, Snarron, were helping me get ready. 

"Best dress, Dolores. No, _not _the white one. The lovely black and gold one I bought you. It was so expensive and you don't wear it! Out of my way, Snarron. Go to Victoria's room and clean up in there. How are we getting there, Alard?" 

"Knight Bus to Hogsmeade," my father said. "Victoria isn't coming. She's studying." 

My mother shook her head. "Must we? I can't _stand _riding that thing. What are you waiting for, Dolores? Get the black dress and put it on. And _please _comb your hair, it looks horrible." She swept from the room to make sure that Snarron was doing as he was told. I put the black-and-gold dress on and brushed my hair. Mother popped her head back into my room for a second. 

"One more thing, Dolores. No saying the word 'mudblood'." 

"Why not?" 

"Because the teachers at the school don't like it. And you want to make a good impression, don't you?" 

We waited at the gate, and my father flung out his right arm. The Knight Bus appeared. My mother shook her head and groaned. The doors opened and we climbed on. At the wheel was a loud, ugly man, with a young boy in the seat behind him. 

"Blimey!" the man said. "Alard and Persephone!" 

"Hello, Barney," my mother said. 

"Slytherin and Hufflepuff prefects," Barney announced to the boy behind him. "Same year as me. Good to see ya again!" 

"Likewise," my mother said frostily. 

"This is my son, Stan," he said, gesturing to the boy. "I take it this is one of your lovely daughters?" 

"Yes," my mother said. "Aren't you holding up the bus?" 

"Yup. Better take a seat." 

I was the only one to grab a seat in time. My mother and father both got thrown to the floor as soon as the bus started to move! They were furious, and argued with each other all the way up to Hogsmeade... 

***** 

When we got to Hogsmeade, we looked around for a few minutes, and then headed up to the school. Nothing of note happened in the village, except that I threw a temper tantrum when I couldn't go into the joke shop...well, like I said, I was silly back then. 

We reached the castle, and were greeted by a crabby old gamekeeper called Pringle. He opened the doors for us, and we stepped inside. 

"Isn't it lovely?" my mother said. 

Yes, it _was_. 

A door creaked, and an old man stepped out. 

"Are you the Headmaster?" I called. 

"No," he said, shaking his head. "Headmaster Dippet has been taken ill today. So..." he looked at each of us in turn. "I am to show you around the school. And speak, of course..." he looked directly at me "...to you, Miss Umbridge." 

I nodded. 

"I am Professor Dumbledore, Transfiguration teacher." 

He shook hands with my parents, and led us to the Hall. 

I suppose you would think that I considered Dumbledore, on first meeting him, to be dangerous, arrogant, unwise, and everything else the Ministry has rightly labeled him...but I didn't. He struck me as being....well, quite _kind_. Of course, I have revised my opinion now. No need to worry about that! 

As for my first impression of the Hall...I stood there in wonder, staring up with my mouth open. I must have looked silly! But the ceiling of the Great Hall is... 

..._pretty_. I liked it. It's a great tribute to what us witches and wizards can do. While my parents talked with Dumbledore quietly, I walked around and looked up and up...and then I saw a boy sitting at one of the tables. I looked at him instead, and he glared back at me. 

"Who are _you_?" we both said at the same time. Neither of us smiled at that, though. 

"I'm not telling you." the boy said. He was tall, with pitch-black hair. Rather good looking, also. 

"Well, _I _won't tell you _my_ name, either," I said.   
  
He shrugged and turned away. I heard my parents discussing things in the background: _"Yes, Hufflepuff or Slytherin...almost definately..." "We expect that she'll go to work for the Ministry..."_

"Why are you here?" I asked him. "You're not meant to be in school. You're meant to be at home. It's the _summer_." 

"I don't have a home." 

"Oh."   
  
He was surrounded by books. I supposed it was his schoolwork. I wondered, who on earth works in the summer? 

"No home?" I asked. "Where do you live then?" 

He didn't answer. 

"Don't you have _parents_?" 

"No." 

Annoyed at his attitude, I glared. "My aunt says orphans shouldn't go to school." 

There was a flash of deep anger in his eyes. "Then your aunt is a bitch." 

How dare he say that about my family! I liked...perhaps even _loved_...my aunt, she always bought expensive gifts for me and paid more attention to me than Victoria. Not many people do that! 

I said something I'd hear my aunt say once to my cousin. "You are a nasty, rude, powerless little boy." 

He just raised an eyebrow. "Well, I won't always be. Powerless." 

Then he gathered up all his books with a sweep of his hand, and left. I didn't bother looking to see where he went. I skipped over to my parents and Dumbledore. 

"Have a chat with the Professor, Dolores," my mother said. "We're going to take a look around." 

They left the Hall, and I was left alone with Dumbledore. He was the one staring up at the ceiling now. I cleared my throat loudly and he looked at me. 

"Are you looking forward to attending this school, Miss Umbridge?" 

"Yes," I said. 

He nodded. "I saw you looking at the ceiling. It's beautiful, Miss Umbridge....isn't it? Made generations and generations ago by the Four Founders. Old as the school itself." 

I nodded. "Is it charmed to look like the sky?" 

"Indeed. Tell me, Miss Umbridge...which House would you like to be placed in? Slytherin, like your father, or Hufflepuff like your mother?" 

I hadn't been expecting that. "I don't know. Slytherin doesn't like Mudbl...Muggleborns, does it? So I suppose perhaps there. But...well, which house is the best?" 

He paused for thought. "Each house has it's own merits and flaws. There isn't a _best _one. But some houses are more...popular than others." 

"Which is the most popular?" I asked enthusiastically. "I want to be in that one." 

He looked hard at me and I remember being rather frightened. "Many people have chosen the house that they believe is the most popular. But...it hardly ever will make their path through the wizarding world the easiest to walk." 

"Oh." 

Then there was silence. He didn't say anything, and so neither did I. Well, I did eventually. 

"I thought you were going to _talk _to me, Professor." 

"I have," he said with a smile. "Have I not?" 

"Not much." 

"Very well then, four last words for you. Nitwit. Blubber. Oddment. Tweak." 

(If the Ministry ever needs more proof that that man is a dangerous old fool...) 

"What on earth does that mean? How silly!" Right after saying that I realised how rude it was, but he didn't seem offended. 

"But it's silly words like that, Dolores, that you would do well to remember." he said quietly. "After all...sometimes we _do _need laughter more than strictness and popularity." 

And I _hated _that all of a sudden! As if he was judging my personality after talking to me for just a few seconds! 

"I didn't laugh." I said sourly, and he nodded. 

"Let's rejoin your parents," he said. 


	4. The Evil Witch's Misdoings

Mistakes   


The day after I had visited Hogwarts, I found myself going towards the forest. As I walked past the lake, I saw Victoria sitting there, reading a book. She looked me up and down. 

"You're getting _fat_, you know," she said brightly. I stuck my tongue out at her and carried on. She called "Fat!" after me. 

My sister...no, I _didn't _love her. People always say of squabbling siblings: "Oh, you love each other really." but sometimes they don't! But I didn't quite hate her either. I mean, when we were both younger...she used to take me swimming. But since I didn't like it much, she gave up and attemped to teach me how to knit. I got quite good at that. 

I kept on walking. She didn't yell anything else. But when I reached the forest, I was feeling annoyed. I decided maybe this wasn't such a good idea after all...I didn't want to mix with _centaurs_! But then...I thought of Victoria and the things she always said to me...fat, stupid, hopeless...and all of a sudden, I felt like..._rebelling _against my family, and Victoria in particular. The look on her face if she discovered I was friends with a centaur! If I had power over a centaur! For, as mean and inhuman as they were...they seemed to me to be quite powerful. Determined, I marched further into the forest... 

And I did find the centaur...Parath. He was standing in front of two other centaurs. But these two were children. A young boy, and a very young girl. They were almost..._cute_. Parath was telling them a story. 

"The group of heroes escaped the darkness," he said gravely. "And they were rewarded. But the evil witch was sentenced to years of torment for her misdoings. She was left powerless and was never spoken of again." 

"The end!" the little girl...little centaur spoke up. Then she spotted me, and her eyes grew wide and terrified. Parath turned around and saw me too. 

"Get out of here," he said. 

"No!" 

With a growl he looked me up and down, as if checking I had no weapons. I did, though...my wand in my pocket. He narrowed his eyes. 

"I won't cast a spell on you or anything!" I snapped. "I won't hurt you unless you hurt me. I'm not stooping to _your _level." Actually, back then I didn't even know whether they did attack innocents or not...I just said it because it sounded grown-up! 

Parath turned his back on me and started to lead the children away, but the centaur girl was staring at me. 

"I've never seen a human before!" 

"And with good reason," Parath muttered. 

"Do you live in the house?" she asked excitedly. "The big house? Do you have a name? How come you're here?" 

I didn't know what to say. Parath placed his hands firmly on her shoulders and turned her around. "Come on. Let's get away from it." 

"I am _not _an it!" I yelled. "I'm a _her_." 

"I don't care what you are," Parath said. "This is our home. Stay out of it." 

"But I want to _talk _to you," I complained. 

"_Why_?" 

"Because..." I did my best to look as miserable as possible. (My, I was manipulative!) "There's no-one else to talk to." 

"Well, I'm sure you can find someone." And he left, taking both the children with him. 

"Stupid centaurs!" I said, as soon as I was sure they couldn't hear me. And I stormed back out of the forest. 

***** 

A few days after that, my aunt came for a visit. My favourite aunt...my mother's sister, Josepha. She brought along her son, my cousin David, an overweight and ugly boy. I hated him on first sight. 

Aunt Josepha and my mother talked for ages, and somehow, the conversation turned to non-humans...and centaurs. 

"Horrible beasts!" my aunt was saying. "If I could have my way, I'd have them carrying us around like they ought to, not living in our forest and acting like they're better than us." 

My cousin had been sitting quietly on the sofa and watching Snarron go about his work. "I didn't know they acted like that," he said. 

"Don't speak unless you're spoken to, David." 

"Mother, you've never met a centaur. You don't even _know_ what they're like." 

"Be quiet!" She gave him an angry glare, and turned back to the conversation.   


My cousin was, I believe, killed by Voldemort when he was thirty years old. It is a great wish of mine to teach the children that attitudes like his are dangerous. 

For they _are_.   



	5. Thunderstorms

Mistakes   


I was looking so forward to going to Hogwarts! I had a wand already, but I needed other things. So Mother suggested she take me to Diagon Alley. She did...and I bought hundreds of things! She let me have anything I wanted. Books, cauldrons and the like first, of course. And then other things...like some lovely new dress robes, and a broomstick, and an _owl_! He was so lovely! I named him Feathers. 

"That's the most unoriginal name for an owl I've ever heard of," Victoria said when I got him home. 

"So what? He's my owl, not yours, and I can call him what I like." I skipped outside with my new broomstick, eager to try it out. I didn't get far. Not even more than a few inches above the ground. 

"See, I told you. You're getting fat and heavy." Victoria said. 

"Oh, shut up!" 

I wandered past the lake and hung around at the edge of the forest, still holding my broomstick. I wondered whether to go in or not. I thought of Victoria knowing I was friends with a centaur...and I went in. 

I walked around for a while, but I couldn't find him. Maybe he was really afraid of me, and had decided to leave. Ha...something was afraid of me! 

Then I came across a clearing, and in the clearing was the centaur boy. Parath's son...well, I figured it was his son anyway. He was sharpening something...something that looked suspiciously like a weapon. I swallowed and backed away. Straight into something else. 

"Argh!" 

"Hey, it's you!" 

It was the girl centaur. It's odd...I can rememberexactly how _she_ looked...every little detail. Hazel eyes, light brown hair and freckles. And a pretty smile. She was carrying a bow in one hand, but she didn't seem to have any arrows. 

I can also remember how she looked when...well, never mind. Not now. 

"Rinlen! It's the _human_! Come and look come and look come and look!" she squealed excitedly, grabbing my hand. 

"Get off me!" I yelled, shaking my hand free. The boy centaur stood up. What he had been sharpening was indeed a weapon. A very pointy looking spear. 

"Malrie!" he snapped. "Get away from it! Right away, now!" 

Malrie looked up at me. 

"She's just a little one, though," she said. "She can't hurt me." 

"Malrie, it's got a wand! Come on." 

Malrie trotted over to him obedidently. 

"I am not little," I said. 

Rinlen went back to sharpening his spear. "You wait until my dad gets back. He said you couldn't come here." 

Malrie couldn't hide her curiosity. 

"Can you show me some spells?" she asked enthusiastically, putting her bow down on the ground. "Do you fly that?" She pointed at my broomstick, which I'd forgotten I was still holding. 

"_I_ can't," I said crossly "but I bet my sister could." 

"Don't talk to it, Malrie." Rinlen hissed. "If you ignore it it'll go away." 

"I am not an _it_! I'm a witch! A human! My name is Dolores Umbridge." 

"My name is Malrie," the little g...centaur lisped. "That's my brother." 

"I knew that." 

There was a rustle in the bushes. 

"He's back," Rinlen said. "Why don't you _go_?" 

"It's my forest. I have more right to be here than you." 

Parath stepped out of the bushes. He was holding some berries in his hand. He went straight to the children, ignoring me. He arranged the berries on a flat rock. 

"Are they for us?" Malrie asked. 

"I don't see anyone else here, do you?" he said deliberately. 

"_I'm_ here." I snapped. 

"That's strange, Dad...I thought I heard something just now." Rinlen glanced at Parath and they grinned at each other. 

"It was her!" Malrie said, pointing at me and giggling. 

With a sigh, Parath turned to me. "What is it about us you find so interesting?" 

"Nothing." 

"Don't you have human friends?" Rinlen asked. 

"No." I said. 

"Not suprised," Parath muttered. 

"A human family?" 

"Yes...but I don't like them all that much." 

"And I suppose they don't like you." 

"My sister doesn't." 

"What was your name again?" Malrie piped up. 

"Dolores Umbridge." 

Malrie sought another topic. "What's your sister's name?" 

"Victoria Umbridge." 

"Oh." She took a handful of berries and crammed them into her mouth. 

"Why can't I _stay_?" I complained. "I'm not going to hurt you." 

"No, but you are going to annoy us." Parath said simply. 

"I won't!" 

"You _are_." 

"Can I stay if I'm not annoying?" 

Parath gave a completely exasperated sigh. "No. _No_. We don't mix with humans." 

"But I want to be _friends_." I tried. 

"No! We _don't mix with humans_!" 

"I'll be her friend." Malrie said. 

"Absolutely not!" 

He looked at me with those eyes. (I still can't remember what colour they were, you know.) "Maybe you do mean well. But that's just tough. Centaurs and humans shouldn't be friends...it only leads to trouble." 

"How do _you _know?" 

But that look...ugh, the _look _he gave me was enough to convince me to turn around and leave. 

***** 

That night there was a thunderstorm. I _hate _thunderstorms. I sat in bed all night crying. 

"Don't be such a snivelling brat!" Victoria said when I woke her up. "It's _rain_, you idiot!" 

"And loud noises." I sniffed. 

"Go to bed. Stop being annoying." 

I went to bed. 

***** 

It was raining the next morning too. The thunder and lightening had stopped, but it was still wet. I suddenly hit on a idea. I rummaged about in one of my old cupboards, and found an old umbrella. It had a few holes in it, but it looked alright. I went downstairs. 

"You're not going outside?" my mother asked. "You'll freeze." 

"No I won't," I said, and ran out before she could stop me. I ran straight to the forest. The blue skirt I was wearing that day kept getting splashed with mud, but I was less annoyed then I might have been otherwise. 

I found Malrie and the others inside the forest, sheltering under a tree. They were all wet anyway, though. 

Parath saw me first. "You are the most stubbornly _irritating _human I have ever seen." 

"I brought you something that'll stop you getting wet." 

"This tree is fine." 

I handed him the umbrella. It took him a few seconds to work out how to open it, but he did and they crowded under it. 

"Thank you." Malrie said, her wet hair getting in her eyes. 

"That's all right," I said, grinning. 

Parath and Rinlen didn't say anything. So I went back to the house, and got yelled at for getting my clothes muddy. 


	6. I'm A Human And I've Never Killed Anyone

Mistakes   


I know what it is you're thinking. Professor Umbridge, a respectable witch, wanting to befriend creatures like that? _Giving_ them things? I can offer no reasonable explanation. I was a very young girl, remember...naive and foolish. I'm sure you'll be even more disgusted by the end of this tale. But I'll carry on telling it...confess the things I've done. 

***** 

I ventured back into the forest a few days later. It took me longer to find them this time. I ran into Parath first. 

"Hello!" I said brightly. 

"Hello," he said in a resigned tone. 

"Did you like my present?" 

"It was helpful." he said. 

He was standing by a small river. I sat down beside him. 

"I'd like you to go away now," he hissed. Then a fish swam up the stream...and he reached out, grabbed it with his bare hands as fast as lightening, and held it above the water until it stopped struggling. 

"Lunch," he said in a deadpan tone. 

"Disgusting!" 

"Humans eat fish, don't they?" 

"Not like that!" 

He shrugged, and trotted off. I followed him, and we came to that clearing again. He laid the fish down on the flat rock. 

"Malrie! Rinlen!" 

Malrie and Rinlen came out of the bushes. I noticed my umbrella, propped up against a tree. 

"Hello," Malrie said to me. "Ooh, fish!"   
  
Parath tried to start a fire, but couldn't. He was doing it the _Muggle _way, with sticks. 

"Let me," I said, and cast a spell that set fire to the wood. Parath nodded up at me. I think he was grateful. Then the three of them ate the fish, in a throughly disgusting way. 

"Stop it," I complained. "You use a knife and fork." 

"We don't have any," Rinlen said. 

"Well, make some then." 

They ignored me for the rest of the meal, if indeed you could call it that. As soon as they had finished, Parath glanced over at me. 

"I imagine there's no point in telling you to leave." 

"No," I said excitedly. 

Parath shook his head. 

***** 

Centaurs are not only inhuman....they're _boring_! Thinking back on that day, we didn't do much at all. Malrie, who seemed to like me the most, took me back to the river. 

"Dad says humans like swimming. Do you like swimming, er...Dollo...D..." 

"Dolores," I said, and added. "No. I _hate _swimming." 

"What do you like?" she persisted. 

"Um..not much really." 

"So what do you want to do?" 

I shrugged. 

We wound up just walking about, and then Malrie practised with her bow. She had some arrows now. She was quite good at it. Rinlen joined us at some point and asked me (again) why I didn't just go home. 

"I don't want to," I answered. 

"Why? You can't hate your family _that_ much." 

"I don't hate them, it's just...they like my sister better." 

"Do you have a mummy?" Malrie spoke up suddenly. 

"Yes," I answered, surprised. "Don't..." And then I realised, she _didn't_. They didn't. 

Rinlen glared at me angrily. "You shouldn't _be _here, you know. My father says humans bring nothing but trouble." 

"He said once he'd kill the next one to walk into the forest." Malrie said seriously. 

"That's _horrible_!" I said, and then it hit me. "But...why didn't he..." 

"Kill you?" Rinlen said nonchalantly. "I don't know. Maybe because you were so young. Centaurs do not kill foals." 

"They don't?" 

"No...not like humans," he added nastily. 

"I'm a human and I've never killed anyone!" 

"Yes, but there's nothing to say you never will." 

"Well, I _won't_." 

And he simply shrugged his shoulders.   
  



	7. There Used To Be Life In This Forest

Mistakes   


The next day, Mother tried to keep me in. She said I was becoming a young lady, and it was inappropiate to keep running around the gardens. Of course, I see now that she was right, but back then I didn't. 

"Dolores," I remember her saying suddenly "You're not going in the _forest_, are you?" 

"No," I said carefully. 

"You know you're forbidden, don't you?" 

"Yes." 

"Good." 

And then I ran out and went into the forest. 

***** 

I found Parath quickly. I'd gotten better at finding him in the forest, which I thought was quite odd. Still, I didn't think about it any more than that. Especially since when I found him, he was carving something on a tree, and he didn't even turn around when I approached. I wondered if I should clear my throat loudly or something to get him to notice me...but I didn't. 

A few minutes later he did turn, and he didn't actually look annoyed or cross...I'd expected him too. Maybe he'd got used to me or decided to put up with me or...something. 

"What were you doing?" I asked quietly. 

He was silent for a few more seconds and then decided to tell me. "My wife...Malrie and Rinlen's mother...she was killed several years ago. She is buried beside this tree. Every year on the annivarsary of her death...I write on this tree. To tell her how the children and I are doing." 

A lump grew unbidden in my throat. I leaned over to look at the tree. I couldn't read it. 

"It's old centaur language," Parath informed me. "I don't speak it usually. I'm not good at it. But Emanzi was." I guessed Emanzi was his wife. "Very few humans can speak it. I don't imagine you can." 

"No," I said, shaking my head. "Did you write...anything about me?" 

A shadow crossed his face. "No," he said shortly. 

I suddenly thought of something, but I didn't know if I should say it. I thought about it for a second. "Parath...if you don't mind me asking...who...killed her?" 

His dark eyes fixed on me. "You _know_ who. Don't you?" 

Yes. I did. "Humans...us. Me, I mean." 

"Not _you_," he said. "_You _haven't killed anyone. Just your kind. Dolores...if you sit down, I will tell you the whole story." 

I realised that he used my name. I sat down on a log. "Tell me." 

He nodded, pulled another log over to be opposite mine, sat down on it...well, sort of sat down, sort of kneeled..he was a centaur after all and they can't sit down like us...and looked me in the eyes. 

"There used to be life in this forest," he said, and suddenly the forest _was _full of life. Fresh air and colours and...people. (_Not _people. _Centaurs_!) Just...being alive. Talking. Making things. Playing music. _Being _things... 

(How silly.) 

"There were a great deal of centaurs in this forest then. Not just three. We lived in peace and happiness...until one night came. It was winter and cold and dark and raining. The sort of night in which things like that happen." He gave a rueful smile. 

"Men. Men with wands. They didn't use your _Avada Kedavra _spell. They used other spells...messier ones. Crueller ones. All I heard that night was screaming." His eyes were not closed. "Emanzi and I...I don't _know _how we escaped. She was pregnant with Rinlen. We ran through the night as fast as we could...occasionally stumbling over the body of a friend. I don't know why...but when morning came, we were still alive." 

I realised that at some point, I had clapped my hand over my mouth. I removed it. 

"After that...well, the night after that some more people came back. But there were less of them, and they weren't looking for murder this time. They just gathered up all the bodies, and burnt them." I could almost see the flames in his eyes. "They didn't come back. Not for years. Rinlen was born and later Malrie was born. And then..." Against my will, my stomach swirled. "They started to suspect there were still centaurs in the forest. They killed in a quieter way now. They simply took the body of an animal we like to eat, laced it with poison and dumped it in the forest. Emanzi found it. She ate only a little, but it was enough to kill her slowly and painfully. I told the children she was dying of an illness, but I didn't say the illness came from human's poison." 

My mind spun and I picked the first vaguely sensible-sounding thing out of it. "Rinlen suspects something, doesn't he?" 

"I think so. I still haven't told the children all the details of their mother's death. I'm not sure if I ever will." 

"If you did, they'd stop talking to and playing with me..." 

"Yes," He looked very long and hard at me. "I don't know where or why you got this notion that we would be your friends, but perhaps it wasn't _entirely_ foolish. I just hope you know that friendship works both ways." 

"I do," I said. 

"I hope so." 

Then we both turned and went our seperate ways.   
  
***** 

I couldn't sleep that night. I don't know why. Eventually, very early in the morning, I crept out of my room. I tiptoed past Victoria's room...and she jumped out at me, giving me the fright of my life. 

"What on earth are you doing?" 

"I couldn't sleep." 

"You woke me up!" 

"Sorry..." I muttered, and turned around. 

"You shouldn't be walking around in the middle of the night!" 

"I _said_ sorry." 

"You disturbed my beauty sleep! I need it." 

I glanced up at her. "Yes, you do." 

She glared and then, being _very _childish, yanked a lock of my hair. 

"Ow!" 

"Brat," she muttered, and went back to bed. I went back to my own. 

You _understand _why I didn't love her, don't you?   
  



	8. Complicated Things

Mistakes   


The next day I wasn't allowed to go out. Mother made me stay at home and read my new schoolbooks. 

"You want to be top of the class, don't you? Made something of yourself, like your sister will? Then put some _effort _into it!" 

Of course she only had my best interests at heart...but I couldn't see it then! I sulked, and barely looked at my schoolbooks. Instead, I played with some of the new things I had got in Diagon Alley, and ate some of my secret stash of sweets. In Diagon Alley, when Mother was in another shop, I had hurriedly bought some things from the sweet counter. Every-Flavor Beans and Chocolate Frogs and the like. I wondered if maybe I should bring some for Malrie and Rinlen. 

At lunch, I barely paid attention. It was soup...which I _hated_...and I was still miserable. The news Victoria sprung on us wouldn't make me any happier either. 

"I have a boyfriend," she announced suddenly, halfway through her soup. 

My mother dropped her spoon. "How wonderful!" she said. "Who is it?" 

"Benjamin Vance," Victoria said proudly. I knew him very vaguely...he was supposed to be the best-looking boy in the town. I groaned at the thought of all the gloating she'd be doing. 

"He says he loves me," she continued. "And he tells me I'm beautiful..." She shot a look at me. "He's wonderful and perfect. I love him so much!" 

"I'm sure he is," I muttered. 

"Well, you don't have a boyfriend, do you, Dolores? No-one would call you beautiful, anyway." 

I put down my spoon in my soup and left the room. 

***** 

The rest of the day I just moped around the house, not really doing anything in particular. I wound up, for some reason, standing outside the doors of my father's study. From inside I could hear talking...talking about me. 

"I don't _like _to think she may be going into the forest...but I am suspious. Very." 

"We raised her to be obedient, didn't we, Persephone? I'm sure she's not doing anything wrong...just acting like a child, that's all." 

"And children very often do things wrong." 

"Why don't you question the girl about it?" 

"Because I'm sure she won't be truthful. Anyway...have you considered the centaurs might have hoodwinked her?" 

"Oh, nonsense! She may not be too bright, but she knows enough to not speak to creatures like that. Especially after what they did to her grandfather." 

"But she doesn't _know _what they did to her grandfather. I believe we decided not to tell her." 

"Hmmm...you're right. Very well, we'll tell her in good time." 

***** 

They told me that evening what became of my grandfather. I knew very little about him, except that he died long ago. 

"Your grandfather went innocently off into the forest one day," my mother said. "And he was killed. The leader of the centaur herd who lived there were furious he'd dared come into their home...even though it _wasn't _theirs. They killed him. Just like that." 

My jaw dropped. 

"They killed him?" 

"Yes. Apparently, they kill anyone who ventures into their forest, except for young children." 

"But I'm _not _young," I said, then realised what I'd said. Luckily she didn't notice. 

"Exactly. That's why you mustn't go near that place." 

"What did you do to the centaurs?" I asked, knowing full well the answer. 

"We killed them." my mother said. "Well, you know, not _me_...your father and his friends." 

"Even the little ones?" 

"Even the little ones." 

*****   
  
When I was allowed to go out again...not for two days, I _hated _being stuck inside...I went to see Parath. And the first thing I said to him was: 

"My mother says you killed my grandfather." 

He stared at me for a minute, then realised. "_Oh_." And then he said. "Not me. _I _didn't kill him." 

"Centaurs did..." 

"The leader of our herd was called Kajan. He was the ruthless, mean type. He was the one who sentenced your grandfather to death. I was one of the ones who protested." 

But there was something he wasn't telling me. "Who else protested, then?" 

Rinlen came around the corner. He was holding a stone and a piece of wood. He looked over at us, and then leaned against a tree, carving the wood with the stone. 

"Not many," Parath said. 

"Did your wife?" 

He was quiet, deciding what to say, and finally said. "She never liked humans." 

Rinlen glanced at me, daring me to say anything about his mother. I kept quiet. 

"So...they killed you for revenge?" 

"Yes."   
  
I didn't know what to say. Surely killing a human being was worse than killing a centaur! (_Is _worse than killing a centaur.) But killing _all_ the centaurs... 

Rinlen spoke. "That's why we don't want you here. Well, why _I _don't want you here." He gave his father a slightly cold look, then turned and left the clearing. 

"What does he think I'm going to do?" I muttered. "I'm not about to murder you." 

"The human mind," he intoned. "is a complicated thing." 

"_You're _not human." 

He narrowed his eyes. "I don't look like you do. But I have a mind, and a heart, you know." 

_Yes, I know, but they're nothing like mine! _I didn't say this, of course. I wonder if he guessed it. 

"Malrie wants to see you," he changed the subject. "She hasn't seen you for a few days." 

"That reminds me." I said. I pulled a handful of Chocolate Frogs out of my pocket. "Frogs! Would you like one?" 

He shook his head in disgust. 

"It's only chocolate." I said. 

"Revolting. Unhealthy, too." 

I shrugged. "What about Malrie? Can she have one?" (I didn't want to give anything to Rinlen now.) 

"I'd rather she didn't touch that stuff, but if you insist..." 

I skipped away into the forest, and I found Malrie. We spent our last day together talking and sharing the chocolate. 


	9. The Voices Came

Mistakes   


For it was to be the last day. And I am not sorry for that in the slightest. 

I suppose you are wondering _why_ it was the last day? What made me come to my senses, see that humans and centaurs could _never_ be friends? 

It was Victoria's fault. 

***** 

It _was_. I remember that it was evening, and the sun was setting. I was studying. Victoria came into my room for no reason except to gloat. 

"Ben gave me a _ring_!" 

"He did?" I asked, surprised. 

She held out her hand and sure enough there was a ring on her finger. 

"He loves me," she gushed. "Maybe we'll be married! Maybe we'll live in a house even bigger than this one! Maybe we'll have all the house-elves we could need, and our own Quidditch team, and..." 

"Victoria," I said. "Please shut up." 

"Jealous?"  


"No. I'm just trying to _work_! And I can't do it if you're in here _blabbering on_."  


"You are jealous," she said with a smirk. "Not surprised. You've never had _any _boy say he loves you. You haven't even had any friends!" 

"I have," I said. 

"I've never seen them." 

I was hit with an idea then. A idea that ensured I could finally get away from Victoria and her smirking and her boasting and the way she _annoyed _me so much. 

"They live in the forest." 

Her eyes widened. "Not..." 

"Yes." 

"I don't believe you! They wouldn't listen to you...they'd probably try to kill you!" 

"They might have killed someone else, but not _me_." 

"I still don't believe you. For heaven's sake, I'm not even sure if there _are_ centaurs in the forest..." 

"Then go to the forest," I said. "Go and see for yourself!" 

"No way!" 

"Too _scared_?" 

Her eyes practically flashed in anger. "I'm not _scared_! I think you're pathetic!" 

She stormed out of the room.   


Maybe I wasn't thinking of the consequences...but it's still her fault! _Isn't_ it? 

It is! 

***** 

I didn't expect her to actually go into the forest, you see! I thought there was no way she would! But...the sun had set. I was in my bedroom again, still studying. I hated studying! I went to the window instead, and stared out at the forest and lake. 

And then I saw her. 

She was walking briskly towards the forest, her wand held high. She didn't look like she was afraid in the least...but suddenly I was. 

But...I tried not to care. I know that sounds horrible when you consider what happened next, but it's what I did! I turned from the window and got ready for bed. I was tired...I'd done so much studying, after all. My head hit the pillow and I was asleep. 

And while I slept the voices came. 

_You shouldn't be here, you know. My father says humans bring nothing but trouble....___

_He said once he'd kill the next one to walk into the forest...___

_Maybe because you were so young. Centaurs do not kill foals...___

_I just hope you know that friendship works both ways...___

_I'm a human and I've never killed anyone!_   
_I'm a human and I've never killed anyone!_   
_I'm a human and I've never killed anyone..._   
__ __

I woke up. I think I may have screamed. 

"Mother! Father!" 

I tore along the landing, in my nightdress, to their room. 

"Victoria went to the forest! She's in _there_! She's..." 

They both flew from their bedroom, expressions of horror on both their faces. They stared at me. 

"What did you say?" my mother finally asked. 

I repeated it. 

My father coldly went back into the room, and came back out with his wand, and my mother's. 

"Right," he said. "Dolores, I have my suspicions as to _why_ Victoria went to the forest. And if she confirms those suspicions..." 

He shook his head and marched off, my mother following. 

"I want to come!" I yelled. 

"Snarron," my father commanded, and a tired house-elf stuck his hand out of a cupboard. "Guard my daughter. Make sure she doesn't leave...understand?" 

Snarron nodded. 

After I'd heard the door slam, I turned to Snarron. "Please, Snarron! Let me go after them!" 

"Snarron has his orders," he said lazily. "Snarron must not let master's daughter leave." 

"Please!" 

He shook his head. I ran for the door, but when I got there, he was blocking the way. 

"Let me go and I'll...I'll...set you free." 

"Set Snarron free?" he repeated in horror. "Master's daughter would not do that to Snarron! Where would he go?" His eyes seemed to grow larger, and I had the feeling he might suddenly cry. 

I realised then what the house-elves were like. I'd forgotten. "Fine...let me go _or _I'll set you free!" 

This worked. 

"Will master's daughter come straight back?" he asked nervously. 

"Yes!" 

"Will master's daughter not tell?" 

"I won't tell!" And I pushed right past him and ran out into the night. 

***** 

When I reached the forest, still in my nightdress, I heard screaming. It was my mother. My blood ran cold. It ran colder when I heard my father. 

"I'll kill them!" 

I knew who 'them' were! And...I knew that if I tried looking for them, I would find them. 

_But should I look?_ I thought. 

I entered the forest. My mother, somewhere off in the distance, was screaming and sobbing. I felt strangly like I was going to be sick. In that second I thought I realised what Parath was feeling that night all those years ago. 

_No_! I _didn't_! How _could _I?! I don't know if centaurs even _feel_! Parath was probably just _acting _and in reality, they _can't! Can't_! 

"Victoria!" I screamed. 

My mother's sobbing ceased a little. But only a little. "Dolores?" 

I ran in the direction of her voice. I found her. She was curled up by a tree, crying. She looked different, like a very solid ghost. Her make-up was running down her face and she had leaves in her hair. 

On the muddy ground in front of her was Victoria's dead body.   
__


	10. The Second Mistake

Mistakes   


I didn't want to believe it! 

"Victoria?" I managed to splutter. My mother gave another wail and buried her head in her hands. 

"She's dead," she said through her tears. 

"_Victoria_..." 

"She..." my mother sobbed. "She was alive when we found her...she said she loved us, and loved Benjamin too...and then..." She turned away, not looking at me, and burst into fresh tears. 

I stared down at her. She didn't look dead. 

"Wake up," I commanded. 

She didn't. 

"Wake _up_! This...isn't _funny_! Wake up!" 

"She won't," my mother whispered. 

I looked away from Victoria and then at her. "She said she loved us?" 

She nodded. 

I wondered if I believed it. To this day I wonder if I believe it. After all, when she was...alive...she treated me like dirt. 

"Where's father?" 

"He went to make the centaurs _pay_. Dolores, I want you to go back to the house, now..." 

I shook my head. I ran off. I heard her crying once again, but as I ran further away it got fainter and fainter. 

***** 

I found my father first. 

"Dolores!" he said in fury when he saw me. "Why are you here?"   
  
"I..." But I couldn't manage to say anything else. 

He did something he'd never done before...he _hit_ me. 

"Your sister is dead, isn't she?" he roared. I nodded. 

"You've made a big _mistake_, Dolores!" 

He turned away from me. 

"I..." I began. 

"Go back to the house. This minute." 

I knew he wouldn't listen to anything I said, and I didn't have much to say anyway. I could have said sorry...but...well...I forgot. Or something. Both my parents are dead now, and I never said sorry. 

I went to find Parath. 

***** 

I ran blindly through the forest, but I couldn't find him anywhere. I had been sure I'd have been able to find him...but I couldn't now. I looked for my father instead, and I found him in the clearing where Parath had told me about his wife. 

"Your mother," he said gravely. "has gone back to the house. She's gone to contact some people we know. They'll be Apparating over here any time now, and we will hunt down the centaurs and we will _kill _them. I want you to go back to the house." 

"I...could help." I said in barely a whisper. 

"Fine. Help." 

I wonder if he cared if I got hurt or not. I imagined he didn't now. 

A few minutes later Arnold Penbury (the husband of our governess) Apparated into the clearing. Then came Jonathan Walker, a close friend of my father's, and then came Benjamin Vance, and his father and his brother. All of them were carrying wands. 

"Split up," my father ordered. "If you find them, kill them. Ask no questions, demand no apologies...just kill them." 

"Slowly?" Jonathan enquired. 

My father shrugged. Simply shrugged. He walked out of the clearing and into the trees. I went in a different direction. As I walked, I suddenly realised I couldn't see my hand in front of my face. 

"_Lumos_."   
I walked on. What would I do if I did find them? They'd killed my sister. Maybe Rinlen and Parath ought to die. But Malrie...maybe not her.   
  
Would...I...have to kill Rinlen and Parath? _Could_ I? My whole world seemed to have turned upside down. _But_, I reminded myself, _they're centaurs. They're _animals_. They're like _pets_. Pets who I like, but even so! And if a pet kills your sister...it should die!___

_But pets, however, don't usually speak to you...___

I didn't know what to think or what to believe. Of course, _now _I know what I ought to think...but not then. Not when I was a little girl in a dark forest at night. 

The light from my wand caught the image of a face in the darkness.   
  
"Who is it?" I whispered, although I thought I knew. 

"Have you come to rescue us?" Malrie whispered. She and Rinlen were hiding in a bush. Rinlen had his arms around her. And she was covered in blood. 

"Malrie? Rinlen?" 

"I know what you're going to do," Rinlen said in a deadly whisper. "I know. I've seen it in the stars and in your heart and everywhere. Get out of here before I do the same to you." 

"You killed my sister," I managed to say. 

"And she nearly killed _my _sister." 

I looked at Malrie. Blood was dripping down her face. 

"What did she do?" 

"Just pointed her wand," Rinlen said viciously. "Just pointed her wand and it cut her skin..." 

"It hurt," Malrie said in a small voice. 

"Why?" I asked. 

"Parath told her to go away, that it was our forest...she said it belonged to her family...he said it didn't...she said that she was a powerful witch and she could go where she wanted...and he jumped at her, only wanting to scare her off...but then she cast that spell at Malrie...maybe she didn't actually mean to hit her, I don't know...and then..." 

"He killed her," I said. 

"He didn't mean to." Rinlen said quietly. 

"It was me," Malrie said. 

"_WHAT?"___

Rinlen buried his face in his hands. 

"He'd hurt her," Malrie whispered, "and she was trying to...she said _Avada_...and that's the...the k-killing curse...but be-before she could finish it I...I shot her with my bow and arrow..." 

"_You_ shot her?" 

She burst into tears. 

"I helped," Rinlen said defiantly. "I kicked her in the head. So don't hurt Malrie. She's so young..." 

He was almost pleading. He _was _pleading. 

"You shot her..." 

There was a noise behind me. Rinlen looked away. He held Malrie tightly in his arms. 

I turned around. It was Benjamin, running towards me. "Are they there?" he yelled excitedly. "Did you find them?" 

He reached me. He looked at them. "You _did _find them!" 

Malrie started crying. "Rinlen...Daddy...Mummy..." 

I looked at my own wand and I looked at Benjamin. He was raising his own wand high above his head, a look of glee in his eyes. 

I could have stopped him. But I didn't. I...chose not to. 

_Thankfully_! 

Rinlen held his sister and glared at me, with such anger and loathing. I would willingly forget him and Malrie and Parath and everything that took place here, but I don't think I _could_ forget _that_. 

"_Avada_..." Benjamin yelled. 

I turned and ran blindly. 

"_Kedavra!_" 

***** 

I ran and I ran and I ran. I didn't think about anything except running. I had to get out of the forest, I didn't know how or why... 

I crashed into something. I knew who it was. 

"Parath!" 

He looked at me and I knew he knew what had happened. I stepped back, terrified. Was he going to kill me, now? 

Was I going to kill him? 

I knew that I wasn't. And that was my second mistake. I stepped aside. I let him go. 

He looked at me. Perhaps he was _angry _that I was letting him live. After all, he had nothing left to live for. 

You know...I remember now what colour his eyes were. They were indeed bluish-green. And they sort of had specks of red and brown in them. And maybe tears for his children? 

I don't _care_ if there were tears. I don't _care _I don't _care _I don't _care_. 

"You could have been so much more than what you've become, Dolores," he said sadly. "You could have been so much more." 

Then he turned around and went away. And -thank the heavens- I never saw nor heard of him ever again.   
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  


_"It is our choices...that show what we truly are, far more than our abilities."_   
_-Professor Albus Dumbledore_


End file.
